Cafe Victoria

After spending the first two hours of each morning feeding, changing, rocking, and smoothing two crying babies back to sleep while getting a toddler and husband out the door, I must have the following breakfast treats to bring me back to normal

*Green tea served in one of my many coffee mugs I’ve picked up traveling. These mugs are great for triggering happy memories. This morning, I’m using my mug from our honeymoon at the Grand Hyatt in Kauai.
*Soft bowl egg. 7 minutes in bowling water = perfect egg I’ve got this down!
*Wheat toast with butter and grape jelly.
*Homemade fruit smoothie: frozen mangoes, bananas, pineapple, and apple juice.
*Glass of water.
*And by the time I sit down to enjoy my breakfast it is about 8:30am. Just in time to catch the last 30 minutes of the CBS Morning Show with Charlie Rose, Gayle King and fellow mother of three/twim mom Norah O’Donnell.

Reading: “Wild From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” by Cheryl Strayed, paperback. Love the mini break it gives me.
Watching: The girls eyes move when they hear things such as our birds chirping or Sam laughing.
Listening to: Always for those baby cries. Right now they are sleeping 2 to three hours at time, but you just never know..
Thankful for:  All the help we are getting from our night nanny, to my student, family, and our neighbors. Help matters.
Looking forward to: So happy to be off bed rest!! Now looking forward to being able to lift the car seats in another month so I can take the girls on walks.
Sam Update: Compared to the twins, he is so big now. He wants to help yet he also wants extra hugs reminding me he too was a baby once.
Twin lesson: As I finish my third week with the twins I have to say, I really enjoy the quite time before help arrives or when they both are sleeping. I don’t feel lonely just a sense of peace. Our lives are pretty full right now and I am happy to say, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Growing up, my parents sent my sister and I to a small Catholic elementary school called Mount St. Mary’s. I pretty much had the same classmates from 1st to 8th grade. What they didn’t realize they were doing by sending me to MSM was that I would experience the magic of  forming life long friends. When high school arrived, majority of them went to the a different high school and myself and one other classmate went to the other local high school. As I moved through high school, I yearn to experience that close-knit group feeling. It wasn’t until I went to college and joined the Associated Students Productions Programming board and living on campus that I would meet a group of people who would then become life long friends.

I tell this story because it hit me today, as I looked out on to the college soccer fields, that it was just last May, I lead a group of student leaders who formed a bond that will forever give them life-long friends. It was on the same soccer field that Jose Mayen (AS VP) and Doris Vargas (PTK VP) started a tradition of Student Government vs Phi Theta Kappa Honors “end of the year” soccer game. I was looking out onto the soccer fields because a week ago, we lost Jose to a car accident. In my 12 years of advising student leaders, he was the first student leader I ever lost. His leadership, he willingness to include everyone, and his ability to be there for his team made last year’s student government team bond so well, they all became life long friends. As they all learned about Jose’s passing, it hit me how much they had grown to appreciate each other. Something that comes not too often. It makes me really proud that I was part of it.

Student life departments, student leadership programs, student engagement practices in the classroom; they all offer students the opportunity to bond with other students. They get to experience what is feels like to be part of a team either from experiencing an overnight leadership retreat together, weekend conference or simply meeting every week. And maybe, if the timing is right and so is that advisor or teacher, the students will form friendships that will last a lifetime.

In the field of student affairs, you have to ask yourself, do you have the magic, the energy, the desire, to build student teams? Do you know the tools? It can be learned. It for sure comes with practice. And boy, I pray you get to experience it some day. And I pray you also have a student like Jose.

Below is a picture of 2011-2012 ASCC board at their Spring Leadership Retreat. Jose is in the back row, 3rd person from the left.

Been thinking a lot about another use for my blog. I will be away from students for the next year raising my twin girls but I still want to have a connection with my student leaders and other community college students. So, I decided to start a Transfer Corner to support community college students who are making the transition from their local community college to the University. I hope you enjoy and if you know of a student making the jump from community college to University, please feel free to share my blog. Thanks!

Top 3 Transfer Tips I Always Give My Students:

1) Attend Your Transfer Orientation Day: Do whatever you can to make it to your Transfer Day orientation. Very important. They usually register you, help you pick the right classes and connect you with other transfer students.
2) Be Ready to Pay Your Fees the Day You Register: The University does not have grace periods like many of our community colleges. If you don’t pay the same day you register you will lose your classes. Period. Sill apply for Financial Aid!
3) Sunday night calls: For some Transfer students this will be your first time moving away from home. Right now, you probably are worried about your family and how they will handle you being away. I’ve always loved the advice of aim for Sunday night calls. It is a great way to remind yourself to keep connecting with your family and it will help with the home sickness that comes from moving away that first semester. For those of you that close enough to drive home, make it Sunday night dinners. Sometimes, all you need is a home cooked meal and a hug from Mom

This weekend, the hottest topic up for discussion is the launch of Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg new book “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead” and her non-profit LeanIn.org. I was excited to see Sheryl make the cover of Time. The cover story and the essay by Sheryl are excellent reads. I highly recommend you pick up a copy for yourself. After reading the article on Friday night and catching the response from the panel on “This Week” this morning, it got me thinking about my own personal journey.

My personal Lean In story.
As a student affairs professional, I aspire to be a Director of a program, Associate Dean of an area and one day, Dean of Students. I also aspire to work on a university campus with transfer students, hold a position in NASPA, and to one day teach my Phi Theta Kappa leadership class I have been trained in. As a leader, I aspire to serve on a community board or in a position either in city government, economic development or education.

In Spring 2005, I leaned in when I decided to go back to school and earn my masters in Education in college student affairs. I could have left my job at Napa Valley College and do a grad internship up in Seattle. Instead, I chose a program that allowed me to keep my full-time job and take classes. By keeping my full-time job, I was able to serve as the president of the California Community College Student Affairs Association, continue to stay in the CA Community College system and develop my leadership skills and job experience in student life and leadership. It also was the same time I met my husband Matthias.

In Summer of 2010, I leaned back. I had just returned to work after being off for the spring semester on maternity leave with my son Sam. I was balancing pumping at my office, a 45 minute commute, and the sleep habits of my 4 month old son. I had applied for the Interim Associate Dean of Admissions and Records position and was offered an interview. At the time, I was the Coordinator of Student Life, a position I had held for 9 years. On the day of my interview, I was home with Sam, getting ready for my German in-laws to arrive later that day. I had to make a decision. Either, I picked up my in-laws at the airport and expect them to watch my son after a 12 hour plane ride, while I drove 45 minutes back to the campus for the interview, with the hope I got home in time for dinner, or do I cancel and not go for the job. In that moment, with Sam in my arms, I chose to not go to the interview. 2 months later, I would take the Student Activities Coordinator position at Cañada College in Redwood City, CA which is near Menlo Park home of Facebook.

The position would be similar to the work I had been doing, but it offered me something I had not realized I needed. It allowed my husband and I the opportunity to live on campus at reduced rate so that we could save money for the down payment for our future house. I was now walking to work instead of driving. The daycare Sam was going to was a 100% better and I was now part of a multi-college district. I also was making more money. Even though I was doing similar work, I was learning so much! I was learning how to serving a whole different student population to managing the relocation of a department to a newly remodel Student Center.

So, in a way… at the time I thought I was leaning back when really, I was leaning in to what mattered to me most, my son, and it showed me that my career was still growing.

As a working mother who loves her career I struggle on and off about when to lean in and when to lean back. Right before I decided to try for another baby, I thought long and hard about if I wanted to go for a director job in my district. At 35, what was it that mattered most? Was it that director title? Or was it giving Sam a brother or sister? Before I knew it, I was picked to represent my college as part of the Redwood City Leadership Class (something I secretly wanted to do but didn’t tell anyone). So the one month I say “let’s put off having another baby and I start my leadership class” I become pregnant with Twins.

So now, my question to Sheryl Sandberg is when do you lean in and when do you lean back?

My district allows me to take a year off unpaid. I have chosen to take the year off. I don’t know what this means. Have I just leaned back from future leadership opportunities or will I be surprised? If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that this is not the end. I know my future holds that Director position, even maybe that Dean of Students. Hey, I might just run for city council. I guess you can say for right now, I am “leaning in” to motherhood knowing with confidence, I will lean back into leadership in the future.

Reading: For me, when I have more than one book on my night stand, I end up reading none of them. Then I go out and get a whole different book. Last Sunday, did just that. Picked up “The Paris Wife” by Paula McLain at an independent bookstore in Truckee CA called Bookshelf. The novel is a love story from the point of view of Ernest Hemingway’s wife Hadley Richardson.
Watching: Most Sunday mornings between 8am-9am, you can find me enjoying breakfast, the Sunday paper and watching “ABC News This Week with George Stephanopoulos”. Love the round table discussions. Huge fan of Donna Brazile.
Listening to: The Zac Brown Band. As I write this, they are preforming for the pre-show for the Daytona 500 which I might add, has the first female driver ever in the Pole Position. Go Danica Patrick!!
Thankful for:  Being part of the Redwood city/San Mateo/San Carlos Leadership Class. We meet once a month. Next month’s theme is City Government. I’ve really enjoyed learning about economic development, local housing, and transportation.
Looking forward to: Just saw in March Oprah Magazine there is a new book coming out about Secretary of State Hilary Clinton called “The Secretary: A Journey with Hilary Clinton from Beirut to the Heart of American Power” by Kim Ghattas.
Sam Update: Sam turned 3 last week and we are soo proud of him. I’m heading into the “final 100 laps” of my twin pregnancy and Sam is doing really well handling what I can and cannot do with him. He already is a great helper.

Reading: “When you’re expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads” by Dr. Barbara Luke and Tamara Eberlein, “Blue Highways A Journey into America” by William Least Heat Moon , and “Happier at Home” by Gretchen Rubin. (My needs seem to change each night)
Watching: Lots of NFL Football. Go S.F. 49ers!! Yo! Don’t forget to organize that Super Bowl pool!
Listening to: New Saturday morning tradition, listening to “Wait Wait don’t Tell Me” on NPR Radio.
Thankful for: Being able to talk with our son Sam. He can speak full sentences, sing songs, and can tell us what he needs and what is bothering him. He will be 3 next month.
Looking forward to: Today.

As I write this, I notice it has been over 4 months since I have Checked In. Ironically, I am 4 months pregnant with Twins. It kind of explains where I’ve been. Tonight, I took some time to myself to finish watching “Eat Pray Love”. The India part is my favorite. Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for writing Eat Pray Love the memoir. And to Julie Roberts for doing such an amazing job bringing her story to the big screen.

EAT
I have to check in with Eat because if you asked me what I’ve been eating or enjoying, I have to be honest that pregnancy for some takes all your taste for food and even what you can handle away from you for a while. I am one who has morning sickness. In away, the morning sickness has kept me away from really feeling anything more than tired. And I have now learned with Twins, when you think it has stopped, it comes back. I will always remember from my first pregnancy how the nurses said, morning sickness is what we want to hear, it means the babies are growing and are healthy.  I am four months in and happy to say feeling much better.

PRAY
These last four months have brought on much introspective and often times looking to prayer and some sort of answer. I never imagined twins or three children. My husband  and I did not want our son Sam to be an only child and tried for another baby. What we have experienced has left us truly believing that the real big things in life are not in your control. So, these last four months have left me in shock, in awe, and yet amazed once again. What I thought I was meant to do right now or what I thought were my hidden talents, I am surprised to discover that the universe saw something in me I did not see in myself. The peace that my life is changing dramaticly is finding its away. The excitement is starting to grow. What I can’t lose in all of this is moments to myself to enjoy life. Moments, where there is no planning, no organizing, just doing something simple like watching “Eat Pray Love”.

LOVE
Love is huge. We all need love. It could be the love through support, through hugs, through taking better care of ourselves. We also have to find the love in what happens to us, even if it leaves us smiling or hurting. These last four months, have brought on many moments that I have been scared of what is to come. Will the love my husband and I hold us together through the hard parts? Will I still love my life?  Then I see my son Sam smiling at me, or my husband playing “Love Actually” for me on his iPad and I remember, love is all around and this new life will bring a love I never imagined.

Reading: Still enjoying Jennifer Weiner latest novel “The Next Best Thing”
Watching: Enjoyed the Olympics. Right now, nothing particular. Might get sucked into a Lifetime movie on the weekends.
Thankful for: Sonoma County Goat Cheese at Costco. Sounds kind of random, but it is so affordable and I’m loving it on everything.
Looking forward to: Fall

Reading: Parenting Magazine
Watching: my son hanging out on my IKEA EKTORP Chair that I got in Fall 2007. I remember how much I wanted this chair. I never imagined that I would have a child who would call it home. Pretty cool feeling.
Thankful for: having my husband’s help and support. Especially when he stays positive and supports me spending time with new and old friends.
Looking forward to: Labor day weekend. I will be flying with my son and my sister to see my grandma in Southern CA. It will be the first time grandma gets to see my son in person.
Motherhood Lesson: Feeding a toddler is hard but you have to keep trying. Keep asking them and offering.
A few tips that are helping me enjoy Motherhood:
1) Take a day trip anywhere, zoo, beach, even to Target. Having an adventure with your child is the best was to laugh and be present.
2) Find a way to handle the worry. Maybe it is writing it down in a journal, talking it out, or just giving yourself the benefit of the doubt that do make great decisions. I never imagined that I would worry about small things like getting him to eat, to living in a place with a great school district. Worry is there but it doesn’t have to take over your daily thoughts.